My reflections on my off-grid retreat
This week, I went on a 3 day retreat at the Christine Center at the suggestion of a friend of mine from massage school. Originally, I was supposed to go with my mom, but she got sick the day before and I had to go it alone. I didn’t use my phone for the whole retreat (and actually, it stopped connecting to my Apple CarPlay on the way there, which felt serendipitous).
3 days without my phone (okay, 2 and a half) shouldn’t sound like that big a deal, but I’m pretty much addicted to my phone. So the first 2 hours or so I really didn’t know what to do with myself, at all. I stood in the middle of my cabin totally lost. Originally, I wasn’t going to read any books on the retreat either, but I realized within about 15 minutes that that was totally untenable. Not gonna happen. I went to the library at the retreat center and picked up a few books, including Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love, based on A Course in Miracles. I had been interested in her writing for a while but never made the time. Well, now I had PLENTY of time!! So I started reading and didn’t stop. I was instantly hooked and I can truly say it changed my life. I’ll talk about that more in a later post, though.
On day 2 of the retreat, I decided to use the sauna. I used to hate saunas but since using one with my friend Demi I’ve totally turned around on them. They’re so awesome. You feel amazing afterwards!! The sauna at the Center was the old fashioned kind with a wood-burning stove. I’m terrible at lighting fires usually (impatient) but when there’s nothing else to do, you kind of jump at the chance for any sort of project.
I went into the retreat reminded of the words my teacher at massage school had told me the day before, while I was half crying, half yelling in her office about my license being held up due to some computer errors. “You should use this time as a chance to let go of things outside of your control.” Believe it or not, I’ve heard those words many, many times. (You’ll believe it if you know me!) The timing was right this time. I really did meditate on that idea during my retreat, and on day 2 we were hit with a big thunderstorm. It was the same one that hit St. Louis that caused a lot of damage, including some fatalities. There was a tornado warning near us accompanied by a lot of wind, rain, and HAIL. I hate hail. I don’t have a garage, and I love my car, so I hate hail.
So we’re all hunkering down in a hallway at the Center, and all I can think about is my poor, poor front windshield being destroyed by this hail. And that’s when I remembered my teacher’s words. “Let go of things outside of your control.” It felt like a cosmic lesson. So I sat my ass down and I enjoyed the drama of the storm and tried my best to stop thinking about my windshield. I won’t pretend that it completely worked, but I was able to will myself into chilling out a lot.
On day 3, the day I left, I turned on my phone, ready to deal with the licensing headache that I had left behind on day 1. I had genuinely accepted that it was going to be annoying, but that God had put this hurdle in front of me for a reason. Maybe He wanted me to have more time to get my studio ready. Maybe it was a test of my will to NOT freak out about the whole situation. But guess what? I opened my email and saw that I had been granted a license!
I have a lot more to say about the retreat and the past month, which I’ll be sharing in future posts. This one is already getting really long. Thank you for reading if you made it to the end. Grand Opening is getting closer and closer!!!!!
[Title photo courtesy of The Christine Center.]